4 Questions that Will Turn Your Day Around Written by Marc Chernoff

Last night I met a tired and weary soul at a local charity event.  We struck up a conversation after I helped her pick up some papers she had accidentally dropped on the floor.  She said she was volunteering at the event, and several other charity events over the next few weeks, because she didn’t really have anywhere else to be for the holidays.  Details aside, she basically told me she struggles with a lack of healthy relationships, a lack of self-confidence, and a lack of purpose in her life.
I consoled her as best I could during our 10-minute conversation, and assured her that the volunteer work she’s doing is making a difference.  Then we hugged and I handed her my business card before departing.  Hopefully she reaches out to me, because there’s so much more I’d like to share with her.  I know what it’s like to feel tired and weary, to feel down and depressed, to have no one to talk to.  I have desperately struggled with anxiety and self-confidence issues numerous times in the past.
So I’m writing this short post for her, and all my fellow souls out there who are tired and weary and struggling to find happiness today.
You are struggling, maybe even heartbroken, and this state of being is hard to deal with.  It can feel lonely, draining, and even downright hopeless sometimes.
How do you motivate yourself when you feel defeated?  How do you heal when you have little hope?  How do you connect with others when you don’t feel the self-confidence needed to put yourself out there?
I know you want answers.  And I’m so sorry you’re struggling and hurting inside.  But please know that you are not alone.  It might feel like you are, but you’re not.  I, for one, am with you because I’m thinking of you right this very moment.  I’m with you because I too have agonized and ached in very similar ways.  We have shared feelings of exhaustion, uncertainty, anxiety, heartbreak, loneliness, and hopelessness.
Yes, I am deeply connected to you, and my heart is filled with compassion for you.
And it’s not just me who understands what you’re going through either – every living, breathing human being on this planet has felt similar feelings at some point.  We are all going through life’s struggles together – we are connected through our shared adversity.  We may feel alone on the inside, but in our inner loneliness, again, we are connected.
Truth be told, the feeling of being broken and alone, cut off from the rest of society, is a delusion.  Sure, it’s a delusion that feels real.  But it’s not, I assure you.

Questions to Turn Your Day Around

While I can’t dissolve all your pain in an instant, I can offer you a few perspective-shifting questions and annotations that have helped me get through some of the toughest days of my life.  Angel and I have also subsequently used these questions and annotations in different coaching exercises to assist our course students with mentally overcoming various forms of suffering.

1.  What expectations about the past are you still (hopelessly) holding on to today?

In general, letting go of your expectations is almost always a good idea.  If you have few expectations etched in stone, you will rarely be devastated by disappointment.  Of course, it may be tremendously hard to let go of certain expectations.  Because you still expect your personal values to be respected, you don’t expect to get a debilitating illness, and you may even expect that most people mean well.  Still, the more expectations you can let go of today, the better.
But what happens when one of your expectations is tied to an unchangeable past event?  What happens when you still subconsciously expect an outcome that never came to be, and the time and place for it to transpire has passed?  You’re hopelessly stuck, that’s what!
It’s time to let it GO!
Letting go isn’t about having the ability to forget the past – it’s about having the wisdom and strength to embrace the present.
You can’t use past experience to change past outcomes, but you can use past experience to change present outcomes.  Right now you have a priceless opportunity … to practice acceptance, to let go of old expectations, and to make the best and most positive use of this moment.
Knowing when to expect and hope for outcomes – and when to let go and shift with the times – is the central challenge for spending your limited resources sensibly.  The solution to this challenge is wisdom, and wisdom doesn’t just fall from the sky.  To attain wisdom, you need life experience, including negative experiences such as heartbreak, failure, illness, loneliness and loss.  These aren’t the kind of life experiences you actively seek out, of course.  But when they find you unexpectedly, you might as well learn from them, and use them to your advantage.

2.  What could you be positive about right now, if you really wanted to be positive?

Unless you’re deeply depressed, sadness is just a feeling.  And as with all feelings, you choose it.  Yes, you actually make a (conscious or subconscious) choice to feel the way you do.  If you wanted to be positive and smile right now, it would be on purpose.  And if you wanted to frown, well, you could choose to do that too.
A smile is indeed a choice, not a miracle.  And smiling is a choice that actually makes you feel better.  The simple act of smiling sends a message to your brain that you’re happy, and then your body pumps out all kinds of feel-good endorphins.  This reaction has been studied by dozens of positive psychologists and has been widely discussed in their field.
But, of course, even if you choose to be positive and smile often, sadness is still a part of life.  Although it’s a chosen response, it’s a natural response to an adverse life experience.  And it’s generally not a bad feeling to have in the short-term, as long as you don’t allow it to consume you.  The key is to keep things in perspective, and then shift your perspective when you must.
When life doesn’t work out the way you want it to, it can feel like you have nothing at all.  But that’s not true.  The desires of our ego are often in conflict with the realities of life.  Find your balance between planning and presence – between expecting and accepting.  Work for what you want, but don’t go looking for something better every second.  You must be willing to loosen your grip on the life you have planned so you can embrace the life that is waiting for you in this moment.  It may not be everything you desire, but it’s everything you need right now.  Experience it and find the positive.
A recent scientific study discussed in The Happiness Advantage showed that doctors who are put in a positive mood before making a diagnosis consistently experience significant boosts to their intellectual abilities when compared to doctors in a neutral state.  This allows them to make accurate diagnoses almost 20% faster.  The same study then shifted to other vocations and found that positive-minded salespeople outsell their pessimistic counterparts by over 50%.  Students primed to feel positive and joyful before taking exams substantially outperform their neutral peers.  So it turns out that our minds are literally hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative, or even neutral, but when they are positive.
Give yourself this gift today.  Put yourself in a more positive mood, so you can put your best foot forward.  (Angel and I build actionable, mood-shifting daily rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)

3.  What meaning have you assigned to your present challenges?

Even when you’re being positive, you still have challenges to deal with – there’s no escaping this reality.  But how you feel about your life has little to do with the challenges in it or what has (or hasn’t) happened to you.  The meaning you assign to these challenges controls the quality of your life.  And you may be totally unaware just how often your subconscious mind is assigning negative meaning to every little inconvenience.  So check-in with yourself…

• When something happens that disrupts your life (an illness, an injury, a loss, etc.), do you tend to think that this is the end or the beginning?
• If someone confronts you, is that person insulting you, coaching you or trying to care for you?
• Does a problem mean that God is punishing you or challenging you?  Or is it possible that this problem isn’t really a problem at all, but an opportunity?

When we shift the meaning we assign to our challenges, there’s no limit on what life can become.  A change of focus and a shift in meaning can literally alter our biochemistry and the trajectory of our lives in a couple seconds flat.
So take a deep breath and remember: Meaning equals emotion, and emotion equals power.  Choose wisely.  Learn to reframe your challenges.  Find a positive, empowering meaning in every event, and the best path forward will always be yours to travel.  (Angel and I dive deeper into reframing at our annual conference, Think Better, Live Better. The next one is taking place February 18-19, 2017.  Get a discounted early bird ticket here, while they last.  Note: you can watch short clips from our 2016 event here and here.)

 

4.  What do you NOT want others to know about you today?

This question cuts right to the heart of your insecurities.  Let it remind you that problems, flaws, and challenges are a part of everyone’s life.  Don’t be ashamed.  Don’t worry about being judged or rejected.
What other people think of you doesn’t define you.  Set yourself free from their judgment.  What they see in you is their opinion and a reflection of what they see in the world.  Some people might perceive you as smart, funny and talented, while others might think you’re average at best, or even undesirable.  To some, you might look beautiful, and to others you might look too fat or skinny.  No matter what other people’s thoughts about you are, it’s about their standards of beauty or intelligence or awareness, and it really has very little to do with YOU.
Yet, all too often we let the rejections we experience dictate every move we make.  We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some opinionated, uninformed person told us was true.  The truth is, a rejection doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough – it just means that some person, under some circumstance, failed to align with what we have to offer.
Rejections do NOT matter.
Let them go and refocus your attention on what DOES matter.
What does matter is how you see yourself.
Always make a habit of staying 100% true to your values and convictions, regardless of what others think.  Never be ashamed of doing what feels right.
To help you implement this positive habit, start by listing out 5-10 things that are important to you when it comes to building your character and living your life.  For example:

• Honesty
• Reliability
• Self-respect
• Self-discipline
• Compassion
• Progression
• Positivity
• etc.

Having a short list like this to reference will give you an opportunity to consciously invoke and uphold your handpicked traits and behaviors in place of doing something random simply for the purpose of external validation.  While it may sound overly simplistic, most people never take the time to actually decide what is important to them when it comes to their self-image – they let others decide for them, especially when times are tough.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

Closing Thoughts (to Turn Your Day Around)

All details aside, the greatest key to turning your day around when you’re in a funk is to focus on TODAY ONLY – just the immediate steps you need to take.  Because no matter what’s happening, anyone can resourcefully fight the battles of just one day.  It’s only when you add the battles of those two abysmal eternities, the past and future, that life gets overwhelmingly out of hand.
So remember that it’s not the experience of today that holds you back, but the regret and resentment about something that happened yesterday or the fear and dread of what tomorrow might bring.  It’s necessary, then, to live just one day at a time – just today.
Be here now.
And just do the best you can.


http://www.marcandangel.com/2016/12/18/4-questions-that-will-turn-your-day-around/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

Simple Ways To Calm the Storms In Your Life by Melissa Chu

Do your moods ever feel like a roller coaster?
One second, you’re on top of the world. The next, you’re down in the dumps.
It only takes the smallest of events to change your mood completely. For instance, receiving a compliment from a friend makes your day, while getting one piece of criticism can destroy it completely.

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Many of us tend to react strongly to things that happen around us, regardless of whether or not they’re within our control. Unfortunately, this can lead to exhaustion, poor mental health, and hurt your ability to make long-term decisions. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to change the way you perceive what happens to you in life. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t get what you want (because sometimes what you want changes). And when you do have a reason to celebrate, it’s simply a step on your journey.
Setbacks and victories are a part of life, not something your whole life is contingent on.
So let’s look at these 10 ways you can bring peacefulness into your life:

1. Look at the big picture.

Sometimes we think that if something doesn’t go our way, our world will come crashing down. Maybe you’ve experienced a conflict with someone, or you’re anxiously waiting to hear back about a job position.
At the time, it might feel like everything is resting on this one thing. You’re so fixated on one opportunity that you become blinded to all the rest.
The world is a big place – there are many opportunities out there if you go out and look for them. Something may seem like a big deal at the time, but one day you’ll look back and realize it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. Not matter what happens, you’ll be okay.

2. Go for a walk outside.

My head always clears up when I go outside for a walk. Maybe it’s the boost in energy, the sound of birds chirping, or a change in environment.
Whether it’s a sunny spring morning or a cool winter afternoon, I get a better perspective of the issues in my life and feel refreshed after a walk.

3. Breathe in, breathe out.

When we stress out, we tend to breathe quickly. Our breathing and anxiety levels form a vicious cycle, where they influence one another and lead us into a downward spiral.
If you find yourself doing this, stop. Inhale slowly through your nose, pause for a moment, and then breathe out, while allowing your shoulders to drop.
Repeat as needed.

4. Understand the other person’s point of view.

I used to feel critical or angry when someone made a decision that didn’t seem to make sense. But when I saw their situation through their eyes, I became more understanding.
Before you judge, try to understand first. It’s easy to make snap decisions or draw a conclusion when we only know one side of the story.

5. Practice self-care.

The other day, a friend’s picture of herself at the spa made me realize that I don’t actively make enough time for myself. We spend most of our day running errands or doing work for others, but rarely do we sit down and enjoy a moment for the sake of it.
It doesn’t even have to be a day at the spa. Making time for yourself can simply mean sitting down and listening to your favorite music, catching up on a book, or reflecting on your favorite moments of the day. You deserve that time on your own!

6. Dump out your worries.

Worries do no good for us. They’re unproductive, raise blood pressure, and out of our control. Yet, we can’t help ourselves.
Get rid of your worries before you go to bed. Try writing them down, mentally tossing them away, or remind yourself that life is full of possibilities if one doesn’t pan out.

7. Acknowledge life’s twists and turns.

As much as we resist, life is unpredictable. It goes in different directions from what we expect, and leads us to destinations we couldn’t foresee.
The randomness of life is both amazing and frightening. When I recognized this fact, I started to appreciate the magic of serendipity. I had a greater sense of peacefulness in my actions.

8. Share your experiences.

When you share good news, you multiply the positivity. When you share sad news, you divide the sorrow.
At least, that’s how I feel when I have something to share. Talking about something that happened to you or listening to a friend can help both of you to connect and grow together.

9. Practice gratitude.

I’m trying not to take so many things for granted. Now, I make an effort to say “thank you” on a regular basis to the people, events, and surroundings that help me become a better person.
Someone gave you (unsolicited) advice? “Thank you.” A hardship in your life showed you a valuable lesson? “Thank you.” That’s all you need to say.

10. Keep going.

So you faced a setback. You just received a rejection letter. Or, you finally broke through an obstacle and made a step forward in your progress at last.
Regardless of whichever one it is, keep moving forward. Keep working towards where you want to go. There’s no limit to how much you can learn and grow as a person.
We all experience moments that bring out emotions of joy, sadness, and everything in between. But when you feel exhausted from constantly thinking and worrying about everything, take a step back and evaluate how you respond to events.
Feeling peaceful is about appreciating the randomness of life. It’s about doing what we can while enjoying the process.
When you approach life’s challenges with a calm, collected head, you can tackle whatever comes your way.



http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/10-simple-ways-calm-storms-life/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

5 Reasons to Hang Out With People That Are Different From Us by Harvey Deutschendorf

"When everyone is thinking the same, no one is thinking.”  John Wooden

We  seem to gravitate to a place of comfort and like to spend time with people who are like us.  These people agree with us, think like us and have a similar viewpoint on issues. While this makes our lives easier, there is also a downside.  Only spending time with people like us keeps us in our comfort zone, and growth occurs outside of our comfort zone.  While it may be less comfortable to be with people who are different, it also helps us expand ourselves in crucial areas if we wish to grow.
Here are 5 reasons to spend time with people who are different from us.

Increases our self-awareness and acceptance of others

Being around those who think differently from us helps us to understand ourselves better. We become more conscious of the reasons that we chose to be and think as we do and keeps us from the trap of believing there is only one way to see things.  It helps keep us out of the us versus them and right versus wrong thinking patterns. Instead of black and white we see a lot of gray.

Challenges us to think critically

People who are different challenge our ways of thinking, our perceptions and norms. We can easily fall into the trap of only seeing things from our limited perspective. Being with others that see things differently will keep us aware of that there are many difference perspectives that all come with their own reasons for thinking this way.  This awareness will challenge us to change our own perceptions if we find others that make more sense to us.

Allows us to benefit from others strengths that we may be lacking in

All of us have strengths and weaknesses.  For example someone may be a big picture thinker who has little interest and patience in the details.  This person would greatly benefit from having someone in their close circle who is a detail person.  The detail person would help them from making bad decisions due to failing to think of all the consequences of their actions.  The reverse benefit would come to the detail person who could never make a decision and start on a project because they get bogged down in the details.

Helps us make better decisions

Having people in our circle who are able to see situations from many different angles helps us to get a more complete and clearer picture from which we can make more informed decisions.  Abraham Lincoln was well known for putting people in his cabinet who thought quite differently from him.  While many would find this threatening, he realized that he had blind spots in his own thinking and needed people who were strong in the areas that he was weak in.  This helped him form a strong multi-faceted team that was seldom caught off guard because they had not thought of all aspects of an issue.

Adds zest and imagination to life

While being around those like us can make us comfortable it can also cause us to become boring, unimaginative and dull.  We need challenge in our lives to keep us sharp and stimulated. It opens up a whole new and exciting world of possibilities for us imagine and have fun with.

The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong | Amy Morin | TEDxOcala

5 Career Mistakes That Are Costing You Happiness by Eva Wislow

Fulfillment in their career is something that most people looking for, though it can be hard to come by. And given that we spend a huge chunk of our lives at work, that’s not an unreasonable ambition. But we also have to think of our overall well-being and ensure that we do not sacrifice our health and happiness in order to achieve career goals. Could you be making mistakes like these, that are holding you back and preventing you from finding the happiness you seek in your life and career?

Putting money first

We all need a decent income, and with living costs going ever upwards it’s very tempting to pursue a higher income as your priority. But the problem is that the more you earn, the more you tend to spend, as you feel the need to upgrade your lifestyle accordingly. The end result is that you’re not actually any better off in terms of disposable income – and you’re definitely not any happier.
The fact is that in order to earn that higher income, you’re obliged to work longer hours, which can come at a cost to your personal life and health. You may see less of your family, have less time to dedicate to the hobbies you love, and spend hours commuting in order to work in a location where you can earn that higher salary. When people talk about having a work-life balance, they have a very good point; few people truly thrive on working every hour at the expense of a personal life.
It’s also important to remember that money and status are not the only satisfaction that you can gain from your career. Increasingly, people are choosing to sacrifice income for more hours spent with their family, or for a more fulfilling career. Feeling that you are making a difference can be a far more satisfying return for your time than simply banking a higher salary.

Not being pushy enough

On the other hand, if you’re feeling frustrated at work because you aren’t progressing as you’d like, it could be because you’re not being pushy enough and making yourself stand out. Being nice won’t always get you noticed. Taking a back seat isn’t going to have your employer falling over themselves to promote you or give you that interesting post you’d love to try out. Instead, you’ll lose out to people who are prepared to stand out – and that will leave you frustrated with yourself.
You need to learn to ask for what you want – and show that you’ve got what it takes to get it.

Stagnating

The popular perception is that when employers are recruiting, they will disapprove of candidates who have moved frequently from one post to another. However, this is not always the case. In fact, having a number of different jobs behind you and on your CV can actually work in your favor. It shows that you are versatile, keen to experience change and try new ideas and that you want to progress rather than simply stagnate in the same post.
People who prefer to stay in the same post risk being seen as resistant to change, incapable of progressing, and lacking in the ambition that will help a company to thrive. It can also be tedious for you yourself, as you grow tired of having the same experiences and tasks every day of your working life. Venturing outside your comfort zone and trying new experiences can really shake up your attitude and make your life feel fresh again.

Specialising too much

While there are undoubtedly some careers where a very narrow specialty is required, sticking with the same job endlessly can work against you. You will come to know a lot about your own job, but your knowledge will have no application in other fields and may even become obsolete before long – meaning that you are at a disadvantage when you come to seek new employment. Employers look for transferable skills, so that they don’t have to dedicate weeks or months to training new staff.
Therefore, it is to your advantage to be more versatile and acquire new knowledge. Learn additional skills that might be useful, and keep updating your existing skills. You never know what may come in useful one day, and it will also help keep your mind working and curious.

Assuming your career will go up and up

Starting at the bottom of the ladder and working your way up until you reach the top (and eventually retire) is now a thing of the past. It’s far more common to change career completely, move from one employer to another, have to retrain, or switch to being a freelancer. You may effectively have to start again, and that’s something that a lot of people resent. They feel that they shouldn’t have to go back to the beginning when they’ve already worked their way up. But we live in the real world, and careers don’t always take the same trajectory that they used to. Nor do people stay with the same employer throughout their career.
To thrive in today’s working world and feel satisfied with your work, you have to learn to adapt – and not feel frustrated with yourself if your career isn’t always going where you’d like it to go. Find some reward in what you are doing, even if it isn’t at the level you’d like, and accept that your career won’t always head in an upwards direction. It will pick up again later.
If you’re feeling unhappy and discouraged by the state of your career, that is bound to have an effect on your self-esteem. Take a hard look at your attitude and approach, and examine whether you’re making any of these mistakes that are damaging your career and having an impact on your overall happiness. We can unwittingly sabotage our own wish to enjoy a fulfilling career by failing to take the correct approach. But if you’re willing to learn, you can start to get your career back on track and be rewarded by the increased contentment that will result.

Oprah Winfrey's Top 10 Rules For Success (@Oprah)

6 Ways to Have a Great Time at Work by Steven Aitchison

Work, work, work, work, work. We all have to do it, and we are bound to it. If you’re lucky, you’ve worked hard for your job and enjoy doing it. If not, perhaps you haven’t found your calling in life yet – but one exists. Needless to say, we all have to pay the bills, so we might as well enjoy what we do in this one life we have.
Going to work everyday becomes a bit of a tiring routine but we can’t take vacations every second week either. We have to learn to keep the workplace fun, interesting, and unpredictable. Who better to do that than you? Use your remarkable sense of energy and humour to bring fun and excitement to work. Everyone wants to do it but sometimes we are too shy or stuck in our routine. Break out of the pattern and organize some fun activities for everyone.

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1. Do something really nice for someone

Wow, Terry brought coffee in for everyone today! What a great feeling that is. When someone does something nice for us, it doesn’t only feel good for you, it feels good for them too. There’s an altruistic principle to it. We want to help others so we do something nice – but we also do it to make ourselves feel good – and there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as everyone is feeling good, why not? Even if Terry brings in coffee that isn’t your flavour, or donuts that you don’t like (for example), you will still have one and enjoy it because of the intended gesture. So how about your turn? Spend $20 and bring in something nice for everyone at work, or even just some people – we don’t expect you to take care of the whole office. The gesture is nice and provides incentive for others to do the same. Maybe you can get other people involved and make a small game of it.

2. Bring some fun into the environment

Do you work in a boring office? Or perhaps a supermarket where everyone has been there for twenty years? Take it upon yourself to bring the humour in to work. If you see something funny on the internet, print out a couple of copies and leave them around. Write funny messages for people, or provide gag gifts. If your work environment is harmless and has a good attitude, why not? You’re a funny and entertaining person. It only takes a few minutes of your time to result in a great day for everyone, and people will remember your humour into the future of your legacy. Make everyone happy.

3. Be the one to organize a great outing

Is your boss or head accountant always trying to get everyone to go out for drinks or Chinese food? Maybe everyone goes, or maybe just a few people – it doesn’t matter. As long as the people that go are enjoying their time with everyone, have fun! Staff outings after work are great as they allow us to bond casually when we normally wouldn’t, and gives us an opportunity to maybe try new restaurants or do things we usually wouldn’t. Try it yourself. It’s easy thanks to Facebook now – organize a small after work dinner, make sure it is inclusive of everyone (including the shy people!) and encourage everyone to come out. You will feel great to have successfully organized your own party, and it’s great to see everyone getting along together. Just careful with the alcohol, or people won’t let you forget anything at the Christmas party!

4. Stop! Do something fun – and go back to work

Sometimes work is pretty boring – let’s be honest. We enjoy our job but just like life, it can be an up and down sort of thing. If you’re not enjoying what you’re doing right now, you clearly need a break. Request 15 minutes off, unwind with your favourite phone game or trivial activity, do something enjoyable, and return back to it. Treat it as a reward based system – perhaps tell yourself that if you finish your task you’ll give yourself extra time to chill out afterwards. Don’t get too caught up, and let yourself enjoy whatever you do. Don’t let life drag you down. You’re in control.

5. Eat outside on a nice day

It’s the summer! Why not get some sun? Most of us work inside but we are still lucky enough to have lunch breaks. Get a bit of vitamin D while you’re on the clock by taking a lunch outside. If you eat in a food court you can still get it to go and grab a picnic table outside. Or tell everyone to bring a lunch that day (let’s say it’s Wednesday), and organize a small picnic. Could even be a potluck! Why not? Enjoy the sun while we have it.

6. See the good in others

Finally, if all else fails, be extra gratuitous at work. Do nice, simple things for others, and when you see others doing well, show your gratitude. Find inspiration in the work others do and let them know you appreciate and learn from what they do. Share the love and inspire an environment of appreciation and service in the workplace.

Zen of Busy: Continual Letting Go When You’re Overwhelmed By Leo Babauta

These past two weeks have been hectic and exhausting for me. My wife’s father passed away, and I’ve been in non-stop planning, coordinating, cooking, cleaning, driving around mode.
Yesterday was the funeral, and it was a long, tiring and busy day. Incredibly sad, but busy.
In the midst of this busyness, I’ve been trying to remember the practice of “continual letting go.”
I see it as a Zen practice: whatever you think you know, let go of it. Whatever you are sure of, let go of it. My mantra is: You know nothing. The result is that when I remind myself of this, I try to see things from a fresh perspective. I realize that I think I know something but I don’t really, and so I try to see it as if I don’t know.
What’s the point of this? By continually letting go, we don’t have to be so stressed out. When we realize we don’t know:

• We don’t have to be mad when someone is acting in a way we don’t like.
• We don’t have to have anxiety when we don’t know if things will go as planned or hoped.
• We don’t have to have all the answers. We can have questions and curiosity instead.
• We don’t have to get into a tense “No I’m right” battle with anyone else.
• We don’t judge other people as much, so we can be open to who they are and have a good relationship with them.
• We don’t have to control things, but can instead just try to be helpful without controlling the outcome.
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The benefit of this is that by continually letting go of what I think things should be, of what I think I know, of needing to have control or certainty … I can just let go and relax. I can do my best, but not stress out about it when things don’t go my way.
I don’t have to be afflicted by anything. I can be busy, but not afflicted by that busyness. I can be tired, but not afflicted by the fact of my tiredness. I can have things go differently than I planned, but not be afflicted by that fact. The first conditions (busy, tired, things not going as planned) are not always in my control. But I can let go of knowing, and so not be afflicted by any of these conditions. Being afflicted by the conditions of life is what causes our real problems.
So in the midst of tiredness, busyness, chaos … I try to remember to let go, continually.

When someone comes to me with something unexpected, I try to let go of what I thought the situation was. Then I open up to this new situation, with fresh eyes.
When someone is cross with me or grumpy, I try to let go of how I think they should be acting. And then be curious about why they’re acting that way, and love them in the midst of their suffering.
When I’m tired and have a lot to do, I try to let go of the idea that I shouldn’t be tired or busy. Then I look at the situation with fresh eyes and realize that I can do these tasks despite the discomfort, out of love for my family.
When things are messy or disorderly, not the way I like them, I try to let go of the way I think things should be. Then I try to see the situation with fresh eyes, understanding that there will always be chaos and mess, and that this too can be loved.
I see that I’m stressed and holding onto the way I want things to be, and so I tell myself I know nothing. And I let go. Then something else comes up and tightness comes up in my body, and I notice this and try to let go. I breathe, smile, and open up. I see things as a beginner. It happens again and again, often from one moment to the next, and I try to continuously let go, let go, let go.
And by letting go of what I know, I’m opening myself up to what’s in front of me. This unfolding moment of unexpectedness.
And it is truly magnificent.





https://zenhabits.net/continual/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

Learning to be awesome at anything you do, including being a leader | Ta...

The Self-Leadership Secrets of Extreme Athletes 3 Takeaways from Dean Karnazes’ 153-Mile Race from Athens to Sparta

Sometimes leading a business can feel like running a marathon. That’s especially true when our goals seem ambitious, daunting, and a long way off. What could the sport of running teach us about reaching the finish line?

I’ve been a fan of Dean Karnazes ever since I read his book, Ultramarathon Man several years ago. His story inspired me to run my first half marathon. So I eagerly devoured his newest, The Road to Sparta, which tells the story of history’s first marathon.
Some of us know the popular version of the story. After the Athenians defeated Persian invaders at the battle of Marathon 490 B.C., a messenger ran twenty-six miles to share the exciting news.
But Karnazes shares the real story, and it’s far more compelling. 

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The First Marathon Was How Long?

The runner, whose name was Pheidippides, actually ran more than 150 miles all the way from Athens to Sparta—and then back again—before the battle. That’s 300 miles. And Karnazes says the same runner might have run the final stretch after the victory at Marathon for a grand total of more than 325 miles!
That might sound farfetched, but Karnazes recounts the story of a British air force commander named John Foden. In 1982 he led a small group who ran the distance from Athens to Sparta in under thirty-five hours. A year later Foden cofounded a 153-mile race retracing his steps. It’s called the Spartathalon.
Karnazes ran it in 2014. As an ultramarathoner, he’d already run 350 miles nonstop. But the Spartathalon held mammoth challenges of its own, including Karnazes’ determination to run the distance with only the foods Pheidippides would have eaten: olives, figs, and cured meats.
Why would a person willingly go through something like that?

The Discomfort Advantage

“Western culture has things a little backwards right now,” Karnazes once said. “We equate comfort with happiness. And now we’re so comfortable we’re miserable. There’s no struggle in our lives.”
That observation doesn’t just apply to running. That applies to all of life, including leading our organizations. When it comes to work, comfort equals boredom.
Engagement and even happiness come when we’re gunning toward major goals. I’m talking about the kind of achievements that push us outside our comfort zone. Maybe it’s launching a new product line, starting a new career, or growing a sales channel by double digits. If staring down the goal makes you feel uneasy, you’re on the right track.
I’ve written about that before, but the Discomfort Advantage is only one of the lessons running can teach us.

3 Leadership Takeaways from an Ultramarathoner

Here are three leadership takeaways I discovered when I read The Road to Sparta:

1. Leverage your unique abilities. When Karnazes was a child, he went to a basketball camp coached by the legendary John Wooden. A small kid, Karnazes struggled to get rebounds like the bigger children. But Wooden could see his spirit and gave him some advice: “Do what you can.” Instead of going for rebounds, he started playing the backcourt. And he dominated. When we compete head-to-head as if our abilities are the same as others, we sometimes miss playing to our strengths. It’s like we tilt the playing field against ourselves. Instead, we need to focus on what makes us unique. Steve Jobs is one of the best examples of this in recent years. Apple played its own game and rose to dominance.
   
2. Let passion outrun balance. We have to be careful that our jobs don’t dominate our lives, but there’s a natural tension in play if we really love what we do. “People speak of finding balance,” says Karnazes. “To me, that’s a misplaced ambition. If you have balance, you do everything okay. … Balance doesn’t lead to happiness—impassioned dedication to one’s life purpose does.”
   What else could lead a person to run 153 miles through Greece? What else could lead an entrepreneur to do what the market believes is impossible? Balance is desirable, but it’s not the endgame. Finding and achieving your life’s purpose is.
   
3. Celebrate your wins. When we reach our goals, we need to take the appropriate time to celebrate. That’s a critical way to honor our work. But it’s also a key component of living a full life.
   Hosting another run in Greece called the Navarino Challenge, Karnazes was surprised at how the townspeople came out to celebrate the winners. “These people were all willing to put aside what they were doing and join together,” he remembered, “rejoicing in the moment.”
   “If we always made decisions with our heads instead of our hearts, we’d probably live much more orderly lives,” he says, “but they would much less joyous. … How many people spend their entire lives striving for something with their nose to the grindstone, only to wake up one day and realize they haven’t really lived at all?”
   

Your goals should push you out of your comfort zone. If they make you feel uneasy, you’re on the right track.Michael Hyatt

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Trade on your unique abilities, stay fueled by passion for your work, and take time to celebrate your accomplishments. Those three takeaways might serve an athlete. But I’m confident they’ll serve leaders even more.


https://michaelhyatt.com/ultramarathoner.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

3 Steps for Getting Back Up When Life Knocks You Down By Matt Richards

3 Steps for Getting Back Up When Life Knocks You Down

By Matt Richards

“It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.” ~Vince Lombardi
I guess I’ve always been a creative soul. Even as a young lad of four or five I had teachers taking my drawings of cartoon characters home to show their families.
Over the next twenty years I aspired to be a Ghostbuster, The Karate Kid, and then (when it turned out there wasn’t much call for eight-year-old ghost hunters and no suitable Mr Miyagi characters around) a writer, and finally a guitarist, all with varying degrees of success.
So it’s safe to say I’ve always had big dreams. For a long time, these dreams were enough to sustain me. I had purpose and that was great. Yet over time, after years of almost (but not quite) getting there, the added heartache of disappointment began to knock me down a little.
You see, the problem was that while I was dreaming big, I was also living under a habit of self-sabotage, of giving up too soon.
For a long time it was a similar tale: I’d have a vision set out for myself—making music, writing a book. And I’d immerse myself for months, even years, practicing, studying, trying to become the absolute best at it. Yet, when it came time to launch my creation to the wider world I lost all my courage.
I realize now this came down to a culmination of fear of failure, imposter syndrome, my ego being too connected to the results, and probably some plain old impatience.
You see, it was fun for me when I was in control, when I was at the creation-planning-strategizing stage, but once other people’s opinions were involved I became too afraid to push myself. I became very good at focusing on worst case scenarios, which then stopped me from really putting myself out there.
If this is sounding familiar to you, that’s because unfortunately, it’s familiar for a lot of us.
For many years I was in a vicious cycle of total self-belief leading to blinkered hope leading to crushing self-doubt. I was existing under stories and limiting beliefs that no longer served me, yet at the time I couldn’t see them and it took a long time before I was able to break free.
This phase of my life finally culminated for me when, after six years of struggle, of highs and lows and pyrrhic victories, the rock band I’d written and played guitar in came crashing to an end in a flurry of disagreements.
I was devastated. The one thing that I’d put my heart and soul into for so long and now it was over. All the hopes and expectations I’d had for my life were dashed in an instant.
Now, I appreciate that we’ve all suffered similar experiences and most, I imagine, have been worse than what I describe here. I’m aware that the demise of a rock ‘n’ roll band is not on the same plane as a long-term relationship ending or the death of a loved one (both of which I’ve experienced). But also, things can become microcosmic very easily, and for me, at this stage in my life, I had lost everything.
I’d been committed to making music at the detriment of relationships, vacations, and a proper career path. Now here I was, pretty much down and out with nothing to show for it but a few thousand copies of our last single in my parents’ roof space. (I think they’re still there.)
For the first time in years I felt lost. I’d thrown everything I had into the last six years, emotionally and physically, and I had no plan B.
I suddenly felt stuck and completely overwhelmed by doubt. I spent hours wondering where it had all gone wrong. Was it my fault? Had I done enough? Had I done too much? Why did it always happen this way?
As we all know, though, navel-gazing only gets us so far, and thankfully, after months of self-analysis, I had an epiphany.
I suddenly realized that I was the only one who could change how I reacted to this situation and move myself forward. At once I profoundly understood that if I just shifted my mindset a little I had so many more choices than I initially thought.
And this is the amazing thing. We all have these choices. In every moment. We all have the control to change how we feel about any given situation.
I finally understood that only I could get over these recurring patterns of behavior and move forward in life. I made the decision that day to change my outlook and I’ve never looked back.
As I explored these ideas I discovered three important steps that, when followed, can go a long way in getting you back on track. These are small shifts in mindset but with a powerful long-range scope for your success and happiness:

1. Hold yourself accountable.

The thing was, I never had up until then. You see, I used to be an expert at blame. I blamed other people (a lot), myself (mainly), and the world (usually). I used to wonder why things weren’t happening for me the way I wanted them to. But then I never really did anything about it.
That day I suddenly understood that I alone was the only person who could make my life better. Me. Only me.
I held myself fully accountable for maybe the first time ever, and at that moment I became not just empowered but free. Because I was now in control of my life fully and completely. I realized that up until then I’d been making excuses for what had or hadn’t happened without taking responsibility.
I think we’re all in danger of this too. We find it easy to blame everything else for our problems without looking inward at what negative beliefs or habits are really to blame. In fact, most of us create excuses out of nothing. As a species we’re very good at it.
But imagine if we were to put the same amount of effort for excuse-making into service? Determination? Enthusiasm?
I’m sure we can all come up with a plethora of excuses to fall back on as to why we don’t do something, but that is not the path to happiness.
Imagine how different life would life be if you were always conscious of those times when you were making excuses. Relationship didn’t work out? It’s your responsibility. Not doing the job you want? Well, it’s your responsibility. Feeling unhealthy and tired? You guessed it, it’s your responsibility.
Don’t judge yourself, yet simply ask what you could have done to get different results. Hold yourself accountable and take action on what you’ve learned.
Taking responsibility means you allow yourself to be vulnerable and open in the world. If amazing stuff is happening, you played a role. If tough stuff is happening, you played a role. This way you too can reframe your experiences and take back the ownership of your life.

2. Move your focus.

I also recognized that I’d fallen into a nasty habit of focusing on the obstacles in every situation rather than the opportunities. I’d been looking behind me at what had happened rather than looking in front of me at what could happen.
When I realized that, everything changed.
Because the thing is, what we focus on is what we move toward. It becomes our reality. So when I was only focusing on feeling unworthy and what I hadn’t done, I was creating a life of regret and unhappiness. By changing my focus, by looking forward again and focusing on the next step in life, I instantly saw sunlight bursting through the clouds.
For me this was not about focusing on something and expecting to magically conjure it into existence but simply focusing on the good. By focusing on what I could do next, rather than my self-imposed limitations, I was able to align with the amazing possibilities life had to offer.
So when you’re feeling knocked down, ask yourself, what is my focus right now? Am I focusing on something I want or something I don’t want? Am I seeing the opportunities or only the obstacles? What am I looking at?
The answers to these questions will help you get clarity, create awareness and elevate you to where you need to be.

3. Change how you speak to yourself.

The last thing I realized was that I had to change how I spoke to myself. When I stopped and listened to my inner voice I realized that I was the one who had been dragging me down. Yes, I’d had a few knock backs, but I could choose how I was dealing with the situation, and currently I was choosing to beat myself up over it. That had to stop.
Just like choosing where we place our focus, the language we use is also something we have full control over if we take a moment to connect with this power.
On that day I understood something that I know to be true first hand: We are nothing but the stories that we tell ourselves on a regular basis.
I realized I’d been living under a story that I’d told myself for too long—that my self-worth was connected with my results. And of course, no one wants this pressure, so I had been self-sabotaging this whole time to protect myself, to keep myself small and safe.
Becoming aware of this meant I could begin to step away from an ego-driven focus and begin to enjoy the journey more. I actively stepped away from the result and learned to simply enjoy life, in the moment.
We all live under similar stories that we’ve told ourselves for too long. In fact we’ve told them for such a long time they are completely real to us. I’m not worthy. I can’t be happy. I will never be a dancer.
What’s worse, too, is that most of us do know deep down that these are limiting beliefs, yet we still have trouble overcoming these specific barriers. These stories have become who we are and our subconscious protects who it thinks we are with all its might, no matter how destructive the story.
The minute I made the choice to let go of these beliefs I knew I was going to be okay. I’d turned an important corner toward a happier, more enriching life. This is something available for us all if we take this on-board; we can simply accept what is without resistance and then choose to let go of it. We all have that choice.
—
When we take responsibility for our lives, shift our focus, and change the way we talk to ourselves we take back control of our experiences.
I know that it’s still an ongoing process for me, but I also know that by using these three steps we can all deal with any situation we find ourselves in. That day I chose to take back control of my life and step into a more powerful, enjoyable role.
It might take a big personal issue to prompt this change, but if you’re feeling knocked down right now then it’s easier than you might think to get back up.
Most people believe they can’t control their emotions, but they can control where they place their focus, the language they use, and whether they choose to take responsibility for their happiness.
This is not about faking it, but understanding what resources you already have then taking small actions to shape the fulfilment and happiness in your life and relationships.
Change takes a second, getting to the point where you’re ready to change is what can take a little longer—but with the right steps it can happen a lot more quickly.





http://tinybuddha.com/blog/3-steps-getting-back-life-knocks-you-down/

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