20 Things that Will Matter a Lot Less to You in 20 Years Written by Marc Chernoff

20 Things that Will Matter a Lot Less to You in 20 Years

Written by Marc Chernoff


Too often we let the little frustrations of each day blind us to the beauty in front of us.  We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way.  We call people to complain or we spew out our gripes on social media.  “Life is so unfair!” we yell.  And everyone agrees and throws their two cents into the gossip pool.
Other times we talk a big talk about a lot of stuff that really doesn’t matter that much.  We scrutinize and dramatize the insignificant until we’re blue in the face, and then we sit back and scratch our heads in bewilderment of how unfulfilling life feels.
But the older we grow, the quieter we become and the less pointless drama and chaos we engage in.  Life humbles us gradually as we age.  We realize how much nonsense we’ve wasted time on.
Truth be told, the afternoon always understands what the morning never even suspected.
Here are some things we tend to expend lots of mental and physical energy on when we’re younger, that we eventually realize matter a lot less than we originally thought…

1. The inevitable frustrations of an average day. – 99.9% of what’s stressing you out today won’t matter a month from now.  Sooner or later you will know this for certain.  So just do your best to let go of the nonsense, stay positive, and move forward with your life.
2. The little failures you often feel self-conscious about. – When you set goals and take calculated risks in life, you eventually learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important in the long run.
3. How “perfect” everything could be, or should be. – Understanding the difference between reasonable striving and perfectionism is critical to letting go of fantasies and picking up your life.  Perfectionism not only causes you unnecessary stress and anxiety from the superficial need to always “get it right,” it actually prevents you from getting anything worthwhile done at all.
4. Having complete confidence before taking the first step. – Confidence is that inner inertia that propels us to bypass our empty fears and self-doubts.  On the road of life, we come to realize that we rarely have confidence when we begin anew, but as we move forward and tap into our inner and outer resources, our confidence gradually builds.  A common mistake many young people make is wanting to feel confident before they start something, whether it’s a new job, a new relationship, living in a new city, etc.  But it doesn’t happen like that.  You have to step out of your comfort zone, and risk your pride, to earn the reward of finding your confidence.
5. The intricacies of what’s in it for you. – Time teaches us that we keep nothing in this life until we first give it away.  This is true of knowledge, forgiveness, service, love, tolerance, acceptance, and so forth.  You have to give to receive.  Such a simple point, and yet it’s so easy to forget that the giving of ourselves, without a price tag, has to come FIRST!  It’s the giving that opens us up to grace.
6. Being an online-only activist for good causes. – Online is fine, but sooner or later you realize that if you truly want to make a difference you have to walk the talk too.  So don’t just rant online for a better world.  Love your family.  Be a good neighbor.  Practice kindness.  Build bridges.  Embody what you preach.

 

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7. The pressures of making a big difference all at once. – When we’re young it seems like faster is better, but in time we witness the power of ‘slow and steady’ at work.  We come to learn that no act of love, kindness or generosity, no matter how small, is ever wasted.  The fact that you can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, is proof that YOU can make a big difference in life and business, even it can’t be done all at once.
8. The temptation of quick fixes. – The older your eyes grow, the more clearly they can see through the smoke and mirrors of every quick fix.  Anything worth achieving takes dedicated daily effort.  Period!  Honestly, I used to believe that making wishes and saying prayers alone changed things, but now I know that wishes and prayers change us, and WE change things.  All details aside, when it comes to making a substantial change in your life – building a business, earning a degree, fostering a new relationship, starting a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal journey that takes time and commitment – one thing you have to ask yourself is, “Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?”  Think about that for a moment.  We ultimately become what we repeatedly do.  The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing – growing happens when what you know changes how you live on a daily basis.  (Angel and I build daily, life-changing rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
9. Having a calendar jam-packed with exciting, elaborate plans. – Don’t jam your life with plans.  Leave space.  Over time you will learn that many great things happen unplanned, and some big regrets happen by not reaching exactly what was planned.  So keep your life ordered and your schedule under-booked.  Create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe every step of the way.
10. Being in constant control of everything. – The older we get the more we realize how little we actually control.  And there’s no good reason to hold yourself down with things you can’t control.  Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it.  Oftentimes what you never wanted or expected turns out to be what you need.
11. Blaming others. – Have you ever met a happy person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying life?  Me either.  Happy people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold.  They believe their own happiness is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior.  And although it takes time to fully grasp this, it’s a lesson worth learning.
12. Winning everyone’s approval. – It’s the strength of your conviction that determines your level of personal success in the long run, not the number of people who agree with every little thing you do.  Ultimately, you will know that you’ve made the right decisions and followed the proper path when there is genuine peace in your heart.
13. The idea of saving certain (overly dramatic) people from themselves. – Honestly, you can’t save some people from themselves, so don’t get sucked too deep into their drama.  Those who make perpetual chaos of their lives won’t appreciate you interfering with the commotion they’ve created, anyway.  They want your “poor baby” sympathy, but they don’t want to change.  They don’t want their lives fixed by you.  They don’t want their problems solved, their emotional addictions and distractions taken away, their stories resolved, or their messes cleaned up.  Because what would they have left?  They don’t know and they aren’t ready to know yet.  And it’s not your job to tell them.
14. The selfish and disparaging things others say and do. – If you take everything personally, you will inevitably be offended for the rest of your life.  And that just isn’t worth it!  At some point it becomes crystal clear that the way people treat you is their problem, and how you react is yours.  Start taking full advantage of the amazing freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s antics.
15. Winning arguments. – Not much is worth fighting about for long.  And if you can avoid it, don’t fight at all.  It really doesn’t matter that much.  Don’t define your intelligence or self-worth by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have silently told yourself, “This nonsense is just not worth it!”
16. Judging others for their shortcomings. – We all have days when we’re not our best.  And the older we grow, the more we realize how important it is to give others the break we hope the world will give us on our own bad days.  Truly, you never know what someone has been through in their life, or what they’re going through today.  Just be kind, generous and respectful… and then be on your way.
17. Society’s obsession with outer beauty. – As you grow older, what you look like on the outside becomes less and less of an issue, and who you are on the inside becomes the primary point of interest.  You eventually realize that beauty has almost nothing to do with looks – it’s who you are as a person, how you make others feel about themselves, and most importantly, how you feel about yourself.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
18. Fancy and expensive physical possessions. – Later in life, your personal wish list for ‘big ticket’ physical possessions tends to get smaller and smaller, because the things you really want and need are the little things that can’t be bought.
19. All the shallow relationships that just make you feel more popular. – It’s nice to have acquaintances.  Be friendly.  Just don’t get carried away and spread yourself too thin.  Leave plenty of time for those who matter most.  Your time is extremely limited, and sooner or later you just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons.
20. Distant future possibilities. – As time passes, you naturally have more of it behind you and less of it in front of you.  The distant future, then, gradually has less value to you personally.  But that doesn’t really matter, because the good life always begins right now, when you stop waiting for a better one.  Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness.  Don’t be one of them.  Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how good it has been.  The secret to happiness and peace is letting this moment be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and then making the very best of it.

Afterthoughts on Making the Best of the Next 20 Years

As you continue to travel the road of life, do your best to avoid letting anyone or anything get in the way of your joy.  Live a life that sizzles and pops and makes you laugh out loud every day.  Because you don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that your life is a collection of meetings and “somedays” and errands and receipts and empty promises.
Go ahead and sing out loud in the car with the windows down, and dance in your living room, and stay up late laughing, and paint your walls any color you want, and enjoy some sweet wine and chocolate cake.  Yes, and go ahead and sleep in on clean white sheets, and throw parties, and paint, and write poetry, and read books so good they make you lose track of time.  And just keep living and making God glad that he gave life to someone who loves and cherishes the gift…

• Think deeply.
• Speak gently.
• Love lots.
• Laugh often.
• Work hard.
• Give back.
• Expect less.
• Be present.
• Be kind.
• Be honest.
• Be true to yourself.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2017/01/29/20-things-that-will-matter-a-lot-less-to-you-in-20-years/

5 Ways to Increase Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem - Jack Canfield

5 Ways to Increase Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem

Do people with high self-confidence achieve greater success?
“I need to increase my self-esteem” is a statement I hear often from my students. Their belief is that once their self-confidence and self-esteem is higher, they’ll be able to achieve more and become greater successes.
While it’s true that a high self-esteem can assist you in creating the life you dream of, the mistake most people make is how they think about self-esteem. It’s not a thing to be increased or decreased, although that is the common terminology. Instead, self-esteem is a verb; it’s the process of esteeming yourself.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, esteem means “to set a high value on: regard highly and prize accordingly.”
In other words, the process of boosting your self-esteem starts with deciding that you are valuable and treating yourself as such.

 

5 Good Habits to Build Great Self-Esteem

1) Believe in Yourself  

The first step in creating greater self-esteem is to believe in yourself. It’s your responsibility to take charge of your own self-concept and your beliefs – including belief in your worth, your talent, your abilities, and your potential.

2) Identify 9 Major Successes  

Research has repeatedly shown that the more you acknowledge your past success, the more confident you become in taking on and successfully accomplishing new ones. A simple way to start this process is to take an inventory of your major success. Divide your life into three time periods – from birth to 15, 16 to 30, and 31 to 45. The list three major successes from each time period.
Divide your life into three time periods – from birth to 15, 16 to 30, and 31 to 45. Then list three major successes from each time period.
To really convince yourself that you’re a successful person who can continue to achieve great things, keep going with your list.
See if you can identify 100 or more of your life successes.

3) Keep a Victory Log

Recall and write down your successes each day. This will log them into your long-term memory, enhancing your self-esteem and self-confidence. Whenever you need a boost of self-confidence, reread what you have written. Keeping and referring to your victory log keeps you focused on your successes instead.
Keeping and referring to your victory log keeps you focused on your successes instead.

4) Display Success Symbols

What you see in your environment has a psychological impact on your moods, attitudes, and behavior. Surround yourself with awards, pictures and other objects that remind you of your successes. Create a special place in your home – such as a hallway, shelf or even the top of your refrigerator – to display your symbols. This will subtly program you to see yourself as someone who has consistent successes in life.

5) Keep Your Agreements

One of the most commonly overlooked ways to boost self-esteem is to keep your word. Every agreement you make is to yourself, ultimately, even those that involve other people. Your brain registers agreements as commitments. If you don’t follow through, you learn to not trust yourself. You lose integrity and faith in your ability to produce a result. Don’t undermine your sense of personal power – keep your commitments.

Increase Your Capacity to Take a Risk

To understand the importance of esteeming yourself, imagine you were playing poker. If you have 10 chips and I have 200 chips, who do you think will play more conservatively?
You will, of course, because the stakes are higher for you. Two losing bets of five chips each would put you out of the game. I, on the other hand, could lose five chips 40 times before I was out.
Your self-esteem is like a stack of poker chips. The higher it is, the more willing and able you are to take the risks that will lead you to greater success.
Use the ideas shared in this article to create and maintain the high levels of self-esteem you need to get where you want to be.

20 Ways to Accidentally Ruin the Next 20 Years of Your Life Written by Marc Chernoff

20 Ways to Accidentally Ruin the Next 20 Years of Your Life

Written by Marc Chernoff



It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
And so often, against our better judgment, we accidentally make the wrong choices.
Our pride has us holding on when we need to let go.
Pressure from peers sways us left when we mean to go right.
Negative thoughts provoke frowning on otherwise beautiful days.
And so it goes…
One choice at a time, one moment at a time, we ruin the most promising days of our lives.
If you can relate at all, it’s time to answer your wake-up call.
How many times have you thought “this isn’t working” or “something is not right” or “things have to change”?  Those thoughts are coming from your intuitive inner voice.  It’s your wake-up call calling.
You don’t need a major life crisis to wake you up, either.  And no one needs to tell you what needs to change, because you already know.  Your inner voice has been trying to tell you, but in case it’s been a challenge to find time and space to listen through the chaos, maybe you’ll resonate with one of these situations.

• If your life is on autopilot heading in the wrong direction, this is your wake-up call.
• If you’ve become someone you don’t recognize simply to please others or to chase some version of success that doesn’t resonate with you, this is your wake-up call.
• If you never make your own needs and goals a priority, this is your wake-up call.
• If you are constantly numbing out with food, shopping, booze, TV, or other distractions, this is your wake-up call.
• If you are worn down, beat up, stressed out, and completely exhausted, this is your wake-up call.

Getting your wake-up call is not the hard part, answering the call is.  Choosing to answer the call instead of ignoring it is the hard part.  Right now, it may feel easier to keep going, and going, and going without making a change.  But you know if you don’t find a way out of the endless cycle you’re in, it’s going to ruin you.
No doubt, a big part of your life is a result of the choices you make.  And if you don’t like your life it’s time to start making changes and better choices.
Based on over a decade of one-on-one coaching sessions with hundreds of students from around the world, and hearing dozens of personal stories every year from attendees at our live annual events, here are 20 ways we as human beings gradually ruin decades of our own lives, and some ideas on how to make better choices going forward:

1. Be who everyone else wants you to be. – Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?  As kids, we are seldom told that we have a place in life that is uniquely ours alone.  Instead, we are encouraged to believe that our life should somehow fulfill the expectations of others – that we should find our happiness exactly as they have found theirs.  Rather than being taught to ask ourselves who we are, we are trained to ask others for permission.  We are, in effect, schooled to live other people’s versions of our lives.  Every day is designed and developed as told to us by someone else.  And then one day when we break free to survey our dreams, seeking to fulfill ourselves, we see that most of our dreams have gone unfulfilled because we believed, and those around us believed, that what we wanted for ourselves was somehow beyond our reach.
2. Avoid all discomfort at all costs. – Many of us don’t want to be uncomfortable, so we run from discomfort constantly.  The problem with this is that, by running from discomfort, we are constrained to partake in only the activities and opportunities within our comfort zones.  And since our comfort zones are relativity small, we miss out on most of life’s greatest and healthiest experiences, and we get stuck in a debilitating cycle.  Let’s use diet and exercise as an example…  First, we become unhealthy because eating healthy food and exercising feels uncomfortable, so we opt for comfort food and mindless TV watching instead.  But then, being unhealthy is also uncomfortable, so we seek to distract ourselves from the reality of our unhealthy bodies by eating more unhealthy food and watching more unhealthy entertainment and going to the mall to shop for things we don’t really want or need.  And our discomfort just gets worse.
3. Wait and wait, and wait some more for a miracle. – Inspiration exists, but it must be met by dedicated daily action.  Often the difference between a successful person who is satisfied with life’s outcomes and a person who struggles to make progress is not one’s superior abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on one’s ideas, to take calculated risks, and to take small consistent steps forward.  In other words, unproductive people sit and wait for the magic beans to arrive while the rest of us just get up and get to work.  Remember this.  We so often create a state of suffering while we wait, when we should be stepping forward.  Stop waiting for someone to call your name and tell you it’s time.  It is time!  Stop waiting for someone to show up and give you all the answers.  You have all the answers you need to take the next smallest step!
4. Decide that you can’t do it. – Think about ONE self-limiting belief you have – one area of your life where you believe you absolutely CANNOT do it.  It can be about any part of your life you hope to change – your health, your weight, your career, your relationships – anything at all.  What’s one thing you’ve essentially decided is a fact about your place on Earth?  And then I want you to shift gears and think about ONE time, one fleeting moment, in which the opposite of that ‘fact’ was true for you.  I don’t care how tiny of a victory it was, or even if it was a partial victory.  What’s one moment in time you can look back on and say, “Hey, that was totally unlike ‘me’ – but I did it!”?  Once you identify the cracks in the wall of a self-limiting belief, you can start attacking it.  You can start taking steps forward every day that go against it – positive daily rituals that create tiny victories, more confidence, gradual momentum, bigger victories, even more confidence, and so on.  (Angel and I build positive daily rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
5. Avoid being wrong at all costs. – If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with anything original.  To make mistakes or be wrong is to be human.  To admit those mistakes shows that you have the ability to learn, and are growing stronger and wiser.  Truth be told, being wrong and not getting what you expected is oftentimes a wonderful stroke of good luck, because it forces you to reevaluate things and open new doors to opportunities and information you would have otherwise overlooked.  Some things in life undoubtedly fall apart so better things can fall together in their place.
6. Stop learning new things. – As Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow.  Learn as if you were to live forever.”  Life is a book and those who do not gradually educate themselves read only a few pages.  Truly, life’s richness does not come from always residing within familiar territory.  It’s when you venture out, away from the familiar, that you grow stronger and more capable.  You must hold tightly to your core values while at the same time opening your heart and mind to new ideas, challenges, and experiences.  Your own perspective will grow stronger when you look at things from different perspectives.  Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understanding of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic throughout your lifetime.
7. Never speak up. – You have every right to speak up and let your thoughts be heard.  People will never know how you feel unless you tell them.  Your boss?  Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told him yet.  That cute guy you haven’t talked to because you’re too shy?  Yeah, you guessed it; he hasn’t given you the time of day because you haven’t given him the time of day either.  In life, you have to communicate.  And oftentimes, you have to open your mouth and speak the first words.  You have to tell people what you’re thinking.  And you will likely be pleasantly surprised when you do, because most people love straightforward people – it makes life ten times easier.
8. Resist the past and deny the truth. – There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away.  But I also know that if I somehow could roll it back, all the joy I’ve experienced would be gone as well.  And the reality is, I can’t change the past anyway.  No one can.  The past must be accepted.  When you accept the past, regardless of how painful, you allow yourself to grow and heal.  For example, if someone breaks your heart, it’s not easy to deal with.  But you can heal, as long as you’re willing to accept the circumstances and then gradually let them go.  You may catch yourself thinking, “Why did I ever love him?  I should never have given him my heart!”  But that’s not a helpful thought.  If you didn’t love him, your heartbreak never would have happened.  But you did love him.  That’s reality.  And accepting that reality, and everything that followed, is part of letting it go and growing from it.  You don’t get to choose what is true.  You only get to choose what you do about it.
9. Let one failed relationship convince you to not give anyone else a chance. –  Every wrong relationship leads to the right one.  If you can love the wrong person so much, imagine how much you’ll love the right one.  Every heartbreak presents an opportunity to grow into an improved version of yourself.  Great love shakes us up, excites and terrifies us simultaneously, while making us feel so desperate and out of control that we have no choice but to transform our lives.  When it leaves us, we can choose to become bitter or to become better.  Will you become stronger and wiser with an increased ability to love?  Or will you miss the gift?  One day someone will come into your life and make you see why it didn’t work out with anyone else.  Until then, use every chance you get to grow into the kind of person they couldn’t imagine living without.
10. Don’t forgive yourself. – Is it possible that all the “bad” or “foolish” things you’ve done have been forgiven and forgotten by everyone who matters in your life, except you?  Think about that for a moment.  And if you can’t reconcile things with yourself, or you don’t feel ready to talk it out with someone else, write it down.  Write your heart out!  So often when we’re feeling guilty we’re in a state of denial.  We’ve denied, trivialized or distorted our own experiences and feelings.  Writing is an important path for healing because it gives you the opportunity to sort out your thoughts and define your own reality.  You can say: “This did happen to me.  It was that bad.  It was a terrible mistake.  I’ve grown from it.  I was – and am – worthy of my own love and forgiveness.”
11. Let someone convince you that you don’t deserve another chance. – Some people like passing guilt and blame on to others for no reason at all.  Beware of this phenomenon.  Because it’s strange the way someone who wants to play the blame game and find you guilty can pass judgments, tell fake stories, and actually make you believe in your own guilt, even when you know you’re innocent (or deserve forgiveness).  So whatever you do, don’t condemn yourself just to satisfy other people’s drama.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
12. Take everything personally. – What people say and do to you is much more about them, than you.  People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences.  Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about them.  I’m not suggesting we should be narcissists and ignore all feedback.  I am saying that so much hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives comes from our taking things personally.  In most cases it’s far more effective and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinion of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.
13. Seek support from the wrong sources. – Think for a moment… If you were craving pizza, would you go to a Japanese sushi bar?  No!  Because you know they don’t serve pizza at a Japanese sushi bar.  In fact, they wouldn’t even have the right ingredients to make a pizza even if they were willing to customize a special order for you.  If you really wanted pizza, you would simply go to an Italian restaurant that serves it, right?  Now think about the people you go to when you’re craving support, reassurance, guidance, healthy feedback, or simply a loving, listening ear.  Do you go to people who are consistently able to dish out what you are hungry for?  Or do you go to people who don’t have what you need on their menu, and thus find yourself endlessly discouraged and disappointed?  Bottom line: It’s time to align your hunger with where you dine.
14. Passionately hate people. – Everyone you hate rents permanent space in both your head and heart.  So if you want to eliminate someone from your mind, don’t hate.  Instead, forgive, disconnect yourself and move forward.  And remember that getting even doesn’t help you get ahead.  You will never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with them.  Sometimes we don’t forgive people because they deserve it – we forgive them because they need it, because we need it, and because we can’t move forward without it.  To forgive is to rediscover the inner peace and purpose that at first you thought someone took away when they mistreated you.
15. Completely neglect yourself in the process of loving others. – You are always your best long-term investment.  Taking care of yourself is not a selfish act, it is a self-honoring one.  You can exhaust yourself looking for someone else who is more deserving of your love and respect than yourself and you will not find that person anywhere.  If you’ve been neglecting yourself lately, take a vow of self-love today and say, “I do” to YOU!  And remember, there is also incredible selflessness in your self-love.  Because you can’t give what you don’t have – enrich your life and you’ll be life-giving to others.
16. Put yourself at the center of the universe 24/7. – The point above on self-love is vital, but it must be balanced with giving back to others too.  This is an important reminder, because we all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us.  And this can have all kinds of adverse effects if we do it too frequently – from feeling sorry for ourselves when things aren’t going exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.  So be sure to shift your focus onto others when it makes sense.  When times get tough and you need a breath of fresh air, think about other people you might help.  Finding little ways to help others can snap us out of our self-centered thinking, and then we’re not wallowing in self-pity anymore – we’re starting to think about what others need.  We’re not doubting ourselves, because the question of whether we’re good enough or not is no longer the central question.  The central question now is about what others need.  Thus, thinking about others instead of ourselves can actually help us step forward when times get tough.
17. Attempt to do it ALL. – Another major issue that keeps so many of us stuck in a debilitating cycle of chaos and regret is the fantasy in our minds that we can be everything to everyone, everywhere at once, and a hero on all fronts.  But, of course, that’s not reality.  The reality is we’re not Superman or Wonder Woman – we’re human, and we have limits.  We have to let go of this idea of doing everything and pleasing everyone and being everywhere at once.  You’re either going to do a few things well, or do everything poorly.  That’s the truth.  Overcommitting is the single biggest mistake most people make that makes life stressful and overwhelming.  It’s tempting to fill in every waking moment of the day with to-do list tasks, events, obligations and distractions.  Don’t do this to yourself.  You CANNOT do it all.  You have to let some things GO!
18. Pay no attention to the present. – Too often our minds are set on getting somewhere else.  Another beautiful day comes to an end with hundreds of unnoticed moments behind us – we didn’t notice them because they were insignificant to us.  And over time our entire lives become a massive pile of unnoticed and insignificant moments on our way to more important things.  Then the important things get rushed through too… to get to the next one, and the next, until our time is up and we’re left questioning where it all went.  But it doesn’t have to be this way anymore.  This moment is your life, and you can make the best of it.  The key is to realize that you are not on your way somewhere else.  Right now is not just a stepping-stone to another place – it is the ultimate destination, and you are already here.
19. Be too busy to appreciate the little things. – Life’s dynamic nature continually renews the possibilities before you; you honestly never can be certain when the next gust of wind will arrive and what it will blow in your direction.  Open yourself to these surprises and pay attention.  Many of them will bring goodness you never knew you were missing.  You are never too old, too young, too busy, or too educated to find value and joy in new, unexpected moments.  So stay on the lookout, and keep track of these pleasant surprises.  Be sure not to lose them in the haste of your weekly routines.  For example, there are little, random moments – the silence just before the sun peaks over the horizon, coming up the driveway to the house after a long day, the smell of a home-cooked meal in the kitchen, standing at the back window and looking out at the greenery, hearing a burst of laughter coming from my son’s room, the hush of the neighborhood at midnight – when I feel an unplanned and unexpected wavelike rush of peace and joy.  This is a big part of my faith as a spiritual being: little moments of nearly tear-jerking happiness for a life I feel privileged to live.  Can you relate in any way?  I sincerely hope you can.
20. Expect (and NEED) everything in life to always go as planned. – As mentioned in the point above, life is often unpredictable.  Some of the greatest moments in your life won’t necessarily be the things you do – they’ll be things that happen to you.  That doesn’t mean you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life.  You have to take action, and you will.  But don’t forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change in an instant, for better or worse.  To an extent, the universe has a plan that’s always in motion.  A butterfly flaps its wings and it starts pouring rain – it’s a scary thought, but it’s part of life’s cycle.  All these little parts of the big machine, constantly working – sometimes forcing you to struggle, and sometimes making sure you end up exactly in the right place at the right time.

Afterthoughts… On Making Better Choices

If you’ve been struggling with any of the above points…

Don’t be afraid to get back up.  Don’t be afraid to love again.   Find the strength to laugh again.  Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful.  Find it in your heart to make others smile too.  Remember that you don’t need many people in your life, just a few great ones, so don’t lower yourself to have more “friends.”  Be strong when things get tough.  Remember that the universe is always doing what’s right.  Recognize when you’re wrong and learn from it.  Don’t hold on too tightly.  Always look back and see how much you’ve grown, and be proud of your progress.  Don’t change for anyone, unless you want to.  Give more.  Give the things you love so others can love them too.  Write stories.  Take photos.  Remember the little moments and the way your loved ones look at you.
Inspire yourself to make better choices going forward!

Change your habits!
The truth is, it’s just as easy to create positive habits as it is to create negative ones.  It’s just a matter of how you spend your time.  You can spend it doing things that bring you closer to your goals, or you can spend it seeking immediate comfort.  For example, some people complain, “It’s too hard to exercise every day!”  But exercise and movement are joyful, natural conditions that make us feel incredible.  It’s not hard – it’s just that people get in the habit of not exercising.  If this sounds like you, break the habit.  Realize that you are where you are because of the choices you’ve made in the past, and your future depends on the choices you make today.  You can choose to sit, or you can choose to run.  You can choose to watch another sitcom, or you can choose to read another chapter in a great book.  You can choose to act on an opportunity, or you can choose to sleep in.  There’s nothing hard or complicated about it, other than the way you’re thinking about it.
Think better, live better!  🙂




http://www.marcandangel.com/2017/02/12/20-ways-to-accidentally-ruin-the-next-20-years-of-your-life/

The Not-To-Do List: 9 Habits to Stop Now - Tim Ferris

The Not-To-Do List: 9 Habits to Stop Now

 “Not-to-do” lists are often more effective than to-do lists for upgrading performance.

The reason is simple: what you don’t do determines what you can do.
Here are nine stressful and common habits that entrepreneurs and office workers should strive to eliminate. The bullets are followed by more detailed descriptions. Focus on one or two at a time, just as you would with high-priority to-do items. I’ve worded them in no-to-do action form:
1. Do not answer calls from unrecognized phone numbers
Feel free to surprise others, but don’t be surprised. It just results in unwanted interruption and poor negotiating position. Let it go to voicemail, and consider using a service like GrandCentral (you can listen to people leaving voicemail) or Simulscribe (receive voicemails as e-mail).
2. Do not e-mail first thing in the morning or last thing at night
The former scrambles your priorities and plans for the day, and the latter just gives you insomnia. E-mail can wait until 10am, after you’ve completed at least one of your critical to-do items…
3. Do not agree to meetings or calls with no clear agenda or end time
If the desired outcome is defined clearly with a stated objective and agenda listing topics/questions to cover, no meeting or call should last more than 30 minutes. Request them in advance so you “can best prepare and make good use of the time together.”
4. Do not let people ramble
Forget “how’s it going?” when someone calls you. Stick with “what’s up?” or “I’m in the middle of getting something out, but what’s going on?” A big part of GTD is GTP — Getting To the Point.
5. Do not check e-mail constantly — “batch” and check at set times only
I belabor this point enough. Get off the cocaine pellet dispenser and focus on execution of your top to-do’s instead of responding to manufactured emergencies. Set up a strategic autoresponder and check twice or thrice daily.
6. Do not over-communicate with low-profit, high-maintenance customers
There is no sure path to success, but the surest path to failure is trying to please everyone. Do an 80/20 analysis of your customer base in two ways–which 20% are producing 80%+ of my profit, and which 20% are consuming 80%+ of my time? Then put the loudest and least productive on autopilot by citing a change in company policies. Send them an e-mail with new rules as bullet points: number of permissible phone calls, e-mail response time, minimum orders, etc. Offer to point them to another provider if they can’t conform to the new policies.
7. Do not work more to fix overwhelm — prioritize
If you don’t prioritize, everything seems urgent and important. If you define the single most important task for each day, almost nothing seems urgent or important. Oftentimes, it’s just a matter of letting little bad things happen (return a phone call late and apologize, pay a small late fee, lose an unreasonable customer, etc.) to get the big important things done. The answer to overwhelm is not spinning more plates — or doing more — it’s defining the few things that can really fundamentally change your business and life.
8. Do not carry a cellphone or Crackberry 24/7
Take at least one day off of digital leashes per week. Turn them off or, better still, leave them in the garage or in the car. I do this on at least Saturday, and I recommend you leave the phone at home if you go out for dinner. So what if you return a phone call an hour later or the next morning? As one reader put it to a miffed co-worker who worked 24/7 and expected the same: “I’m not the president of the US. No one should need me at 8pm at night. OK, you didn’t get a hold of me. But what bad happened?” The answer? Nothing.
9. Do not expect work to fill a void that non-work relationships and activities should
Work is not all of life. Your co-workers shouldn’t be your only friends. Schedule life and defend it just as you would an important business meeting. Never tell yourself “I’ll just get it done this weekend.” Review Parkinson’s Law in 4HWW and force yourself to cram within tight hours so your per-hour productivity doesn’t fall through the floor. Focus, get the critical few done, and get out. E-mailing all weekend is no way to spend the little time you have on this planet.
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It’s hip to focus on getting things done, but it’s only possible once we remove the constant static and distraction. If you have trouble deciding what to do, just focus on not doing. Different means, same end.
What other no-no’s would you add to the list?